With The Times

Last week, I was scrolling through Tik Tok when I got particularly interested. A man was addressing comments saying, “your girlfriend is ugly” by identifying the difference between “ugly” and “fat.” He then to viewers who suggested that calling his girlfriend “fat” is disrespectful, and some identified it as verbal abuse. In his words, the term “fat” is defined by society as “something to be ashamed of” and “a word that represents being physically disgusting.” Ultimately, he says being fat is not an awful thing, it’s just that society depicts it this way. 

I couldn’t agree more, and I believe this word represents generations of societal neglect towards women. The generations have evolved, and times are changing rapidly, so beauty standards continue to adapt according to newer perspectives. That being said, plus sized women are still facing insecurities due to widely accepted societal ideals that skinny means pretty. The societal construct that beauty exists the same way as it did in the 50s is an old-fashioned way of thinking. To me, being plus sized defies the traditional beauty standard of a blonde, white female that weighs 120 lbs., and this societal rebellion is a beautiful concept. Although, I did not always have a similar mentality.

Watching this video made me realize that an older version of myself was shamed into wearing conservative clothing because I viewed myself as “fat.” It was not the beautiful definition – rather, the one that made me put a hoodie in my lap whenever I sat down to cover my stomach, the definition that compelled me to hide my shallow breaths after walking up four flights of stairs, the message that made me terrified someone would judge me. Throughout middle and high school, I wore the same clothes repeatedly: a pair of black sweatpants, a black graphic tee, and white Adidas sneakers. These choices had nothing to do with bullying, I just never felt comfortable enough to wear anything else. 

So many plus-sized women feel uncomfortable in their skin, and whether this has to do with clothing brand prejudices or societal neglect, these women deserve to feel confident. Therefore, I have compiled a list of 5 reasons why being plus-sized is nothing to be ashamed of.

1. Not everyone has the same shoe size

When you walk into a shoe store, you go inside intending to buy new shoes (preferably ones that don’t squeeze your toes together). Normally, you would pick a size that fits your feet comfortably – so you wouldn’t get a size 13 when you are a size 9 unless you enjoy looking like a member of the circus. Similarly, when you go shopping for clothes you have a vague idea of what size your body fits into. However, some clothes run smaller than your normal size and others run bigger. Often, when I go into stores like PacSun or Charlotte Russe they never have plus-size clothing, and that used to make me feel so awful about myself. This became a big shock to me – that these stores never had anything in my size, and if they did it was like finding treasure in a coal mine. Even so, not all clothes are supposed to fit. The same way shoe sizes only fit certain people, there are clothes meant for all body shapes and sizes. Therefore, it seems like such a trivial concept that plus-sized women feel insecure that certain sizes do not fit them, and even skinny girls cannot find their size sometimes. Everyone is not the same size.

2. Your body type is somebody else’s dream body

Often, plus-sized women feel like they have to hide their curves. When we sit down our stomach pops out and it feels frightening, it feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Somewhere in the world, a girl is measuring her waist and hoping to gain weight so she can have the same curves we have. Being healthy doesn’t mean eating rice cakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Beauty standards suggest that a “real woman” is one that often allocates all her time and energy to look like Jennifer Aniston in Friends. At thirteen years old, I watched this show with the repulsive and irritating thought “I want to look like her, I want a body like hers so I can wear dresses.” I had goals to lose weight after this, eating avocado toast every morning and cutting anything considered “unhealthy” out of my diet. However, you do not have to be skinny to wear a dress or a skirt and heels, even though I always thought otherwise. Our body is evidence that we don’t starve ourselves, and we evoke confidence through expressing love for our appearance. We should love our bodies and being plus sized is beautiful. 

3. More to love!

In modern society, people tend to body shame others because it gives them pride, like they are superior to plus-sized women since they are skinny. For example, the American singer Lizzo is often criticized for her size, eating habits, and overall stage demeanor. In her music, she uses her voice as a platform to promote body positivity, primarily for plus-sized women. Yet, on the internet, she is constantly addressing fatphobic and racist comments calling her “a whale” and identifying her as the racist mammy stereotype. Essentially, this behavior is outright petty. These so-called “fans” continue to ridicule Lizzo for her size and appearance, which are elements of her identity. Lizzo’s existence in the music industry is both social and rebellious activism, which continues to negate the perpetuation that plus-sized women are “too big.” There is no such thing as being better than someone due to a difference in body shape, and in fact, this assumption is pathetic. So, embrace your curves girl! There’s no such thing as being too big because, in the end, that’s just more of you for your partner to fall in love with.

4. Working out does not make you prettier

I hate when people say, “I want a glow up, so I’m gonna lose weight” and then give up after 10 push-ups while being disappointed in themselves. Just because you have more weight than other women does not make you uglier, and I am sick of this being implied. We can improve our fashion sense and mentality without having to change our physical appearance. During my childhood, my parents and little brother would say things like “that’s not healthy, you just need to lose 30 pounds and you’ll be okay.” Last summer, I was convinced during the pandemic I could become beautiful by losing weight. So, I spent hours preparing a workout routine, persisting tirelessly to have a slimmer body and nourish my internalized fatphobia perceptions. In reality, exercising in strenuous ways without any regard for my physical health eventually became a burden. Ultimately, this process invalidated my confidence, and I began to feel worse about my body. No one is perfect, so stop telling plus-sized women that losing weight will make them prettier. We are beautiful just the way we are.

5. Social Media Fantasies vs. Reality

On Instagram, women post photos of themselves – and I know what you’re thinking, this is obvious, right? Well, has it ever occurred to you that most of these people are insecure about their bodies? Yes, unfortunately, it’s true. Women post photos of themselves holding their stomachs, bent in abstract positions, with “perfect lighting,” and then spend hours in editing software before posting it, creating illusions compared to their actual body proportions. So, it’s upsetting when they post a picture without filters and end up losing a big chunk of their followers. People hate when their fantasy of what they want someone to look like is compared with reality. As a result, social media is fake. It does not depict the natural essence of a woman, let alone a plus-sized woman. Saying “I want a body like hers” in our head does not make us feel better, and it creates this false ideology that skinny means pretty. Love your body for the way it is and be kind to it.

According to society, many things define a real woman. Straight hair, slim waist, blue eyes, small arms, large chest – and the list goes on. In the mid-1900s, the beauty standard identified beautiful women with pale skin and a 27-inch waist. However, society fails to realize that women come in many different shapes and sizes, so there is no true way to define the word woman. Therefore, it is a plus-sized woman’s privilege to rebel against traits that society perceives as beautiful. Including self-confidence, we defy these standards by appreciating our individuality and encouraging body positivity. We make people who look like us proud by conveying our confidence in the strength behind our demeanor. So, why was being plus sized ever considered a reason to feel ashamed and disgusted by our bodies? It’s simple — we were never given a reason to appreciate them, much less five.